Holland's Birth Story
Holland’s birth went the complete opposite of what I had imagined, written down, outlined, organized, and/or planned.
I had a gut feeling my entire pregnancy that Holland would come early, and, sure enough, the evening of Friday, July 31 I felt the first, very mild contractions begin. The hospital confirmed it sounded like early labor had begun and to head on in.
Intensity picked up very quickly, and arriving to the hospital I was very much ready to get my epidural on.
Upon initial evaluation they determined I hadn’t progressed beyond where I had been at my doctor appointment the previous day. They shared that this type of labor can go on for days and they’d send me home in the meantime to rest more comfortably until things got more intense.
The car ride home was a blur, and I started getting sick from the amount of pain. About an hour and a half after arriving home I could not talk through contractions, barely walk or get any sort of relief, and the hospital asked that we come back immediately.
I look back and laugh a little at this second arrival to the hospital. Due to COVID, there was a check in table by the maternity entrance + elevators, but instead of stopping I just kept on walking, waving at them as if to say, I am not stopping, I am on a quest for those elevators, get outttt of my way.
By the time I reached reception, I was hunched over the counter trying to maintain my composure while signing a couple of forms when a nurse called back for assistance: “we have a mama checking in…and she does not look good….” I remember feeling semi-offended at the time, but now I laugh pretty hard thinking wow, I did look reallll rough.
In retrospect, I wish I would’ve pushed a little harder to stay at the hospital a few hours longer the first time around while my body did what it needed to. I knew in my gut that was all it was going to take, but honestly, I absolutely loved the doctors and nurses I had when we returned so it worked out really well in that way.
Turns out I had made a lot of progress in the couple hours outside of the hospital, and one of our nurses excitedly declared we were having a baby today!
Several hours later I was able to receive an epidural. Long story short, being so sick from the pain made an IV nearly impossible and several tests had to be run before they would administer an epidural, so all in all I did 14 hours without any type of pain relief (by necessity + for safety reasons; not by choice!) and 6 hours with an epidural.
Feeling some relief from my new BFF epidural, I thought after the minor hiccup of two hospital trips Holland’s birth would be exactly as I had hoped and planned.
I had finally gotten comfortable, and medical staff started coming in every 10 minutes or so to flip, reposition, prod, and/or move me. They also started me on oxygen and told me to breathe really deep for my baby – to stay relaxed and just breathe really deep for her. Holland’s heart rate had been declining. When they would use one of the aforementioned techniques, she would stabilize for a bit, and then shortly start to decline again.
I’ll hold back some of the details here, but some emergency interventions and their associated risks were discussed as potential options depending on how my attempts to push, the most stressful time for a baby, went. A five person NICU team was called to be in the room on standby and when it was all said and done there were close to 15 doctors and nurses in the room with Nick and I when I tried to push. After pushing only a couple of times, Holland’s heart rate started to decline even more.
Calmly amid the chaos (honestly, it felt like slow motion) our doctor came around the bed and crouched down right next to me. Her name, face, and what she said will stay with me: “Mama, you have done amazing, especially for this being your first baby. And, I don’t want to upset you (cue my eyes filling with tears), but I’m going to be very direct. This is where we see babies tank. I don’t want that to happen. You don’t want that to happen. So, I have to advise that we go ahead with X emergency intervention.”
There was no question. I told her to do whatever she had to do to keep Holland safe and healthy – that Holland, not me, came first. I did not care about myself. I cared that Holland was safe.
When I finally heard Holland cry tears instantly streamed down my face. After coming into this world she immediately went to the NICU team for evaluation and was then able to be placed in my arms on Saturday, August 1 - almost 24 hours after labor began.
That second, when our eyes met, will forever be the most incredible moment of my life. I would go through it all a million times over again just to experience that one moment again.